I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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