Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Less talking, more tequila
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
3 2 1 whiskey
I could fuck to npr.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
