Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
