Swine flu. Run for my life!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's never too late to be topless.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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