Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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