3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
