If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
