Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
