new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
