you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
North Korea, Best Korea!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
