it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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