Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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