I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
