I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
