i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
