There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize