and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
