I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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