lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
