he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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