I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He shit in the fireplace
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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