I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
