Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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