I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
