My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
