I hate your face
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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