my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize