and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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