i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
