after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
