the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize