Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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