from now on my penis is your penis
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
