ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
