ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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