I love black thongs
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Randomize
