My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
