I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
