My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
