My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
