I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
