Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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