bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
