I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize