the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
