She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
