He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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