the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
