yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
