Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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