it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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