So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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