I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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