Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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