I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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