Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
