Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
