he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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