I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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