you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
