dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
