Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
