thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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