If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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