I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
