You're completely useless in the revolution.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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