There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
not ubering you a puppy
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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