i wish there were pregnant emoticons
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
