im drinking this country out of the recession.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize