She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
