I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
