Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
