I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
